Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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