I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
