$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
