I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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