My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
