Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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