Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
