Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
