So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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