Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
