Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
