Already got asked if we're dating
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
