From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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