I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my liver is dry heaving
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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