Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
