During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I checked into jail on foursquare
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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