i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
