why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
