My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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