woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
