dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
