just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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