Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
