You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
