if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
