I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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