I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
