..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
