I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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