get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
