Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
