Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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