well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize