I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
