Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize