Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize