that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
