I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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