I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
