I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
