I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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