her vagine was all disorganized.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
