so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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