dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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