Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
