just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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