How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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