Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
