he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
