On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
