Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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