Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
