When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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