I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
