We're like a lot better than the average bears
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
