either way he was missing a nipple.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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