Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
