God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
