sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
