Cold hands, warm shart.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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