Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
