worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
