Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I puked a lego.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Come on in and take your pants off
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