Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
These tits shall not be calmed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
