so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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