Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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