just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I faked an abortion last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
