So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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