When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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