Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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