yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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