I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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