I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
