I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
