90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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